The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
