I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
