census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
