Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
