WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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