I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
