Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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