he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
