Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
