I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
