I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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