I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
