check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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