Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
