this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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