Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
