I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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