Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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