drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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