Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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