Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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