guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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