Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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