My first STD was from a foam party
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
