wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
