we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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