my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
