I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
