I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
