ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
