there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are we still banned from the library?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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