If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
