Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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