You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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