Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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