Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
