Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
