my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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