I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
