i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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