So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
