It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
