I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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