I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
