Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
