I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
