I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
