Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
