at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
