The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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