my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
